Foreword.
Saturday night at a friend's house, there must be a party based crescentine and sushi (multietnica!) Godfather-style, in which all had to dress as gangsters.
So far, nothing unusual. At least, not for us.
A first small problem was the address: why, I am fussy, but Via Vignolese is long.
And with the number only as an indication, my navigation system gave us a paper airplane.
My navigation system is a bastard, of course.
But the old lady gave me some advice. I told him to take a small road on your right, past a certain curve, as soon as I saw a car dealership.
I, for the record, I was dressed, in order, with:
a cap, a fur
rabbit complete code spenzolanti,
a fintissimo, pacchianissimo Catenazzi and heavy gold neck rings with as thick as two-euro coins, which was an even more gaudy belt (inherited, I think, somewhere aunt),
a cross-shaped pendant fintissimo silver, even more enormous, kitsch and heavy
a black shirt, open neck with elegant jewelry to show the above,
a white satin jacket which I am ashamed today, with gold chains that sprouted from pockets, cuffs
parluccicanti fintissimi of diamonds,
a pinstripe skirt, the kind that would be-more-short-of-a-pro-floss, vulgar
black fishnet stockings, high heels
Silvsted that Victoria would be ashamed.
also last but not least, I had a couple of machine-gun-toy rather than threatening. Stolen from furatelli .
put In this comfortable, elegant and simple, I got in the car.
The moment I closed the door, he came down, as they say in my part, a vessel of water.
That is, the rain looked like someone threw a bucket, directly on my windshield.
It continued to rain on this lines all the way, of course. For forty-five minutes, the sky has poured out his windows on me and my poor rusty Polo, who saw time - and drivers - best.
is going to rain when my browser has gone on a tangent, repeating in a tone a little hysterical, I was already reached their destination in San Vito. That is, twenty, twenty-five miles before they should.
Thanks, sailor.
is going to rain when I arrived in front of the infamous dealership, and saw that the streets were right, there were two parallel.
separated only by a lamp post, and battered by a strip of land as wide as a noodle.
Unless specified.
And it continued to rain even when I have taken the wrong way.
is going to rain when I ended up on a dirt lane and full of holes.
is going to rain when I got a hole bigger than expected, and the right rear tire exploded.
is going to rain when going to jump on the flat tire, I came before a lighted house, whose driveway was full a parked car, and inside which was the sound of a stereo.
A house, in short, in which a party was taking place.
"Thank God, I thought. Prematurely.
Again with the cap, the vulgar hooker heels, the gold clasp his neck, I approached the door-lit window and I knocked on the glass with the tip of the plastic machine gun.
Inside, five or six boys and girls, more or less even their twenties, they were baking a batch of crescentine.
I looked inside, with my best smile, holding rifles, the cap on his head, the fishnet stockings, and I said:
"This is where the party?"
These were looked at.
"No," he said perplessissima a girl, placing her tigelliera.
So, in summary.
I introduced myself to the wrong party, with the machine useless, by wearing a Camorra boss of my boots.
E, braced the gun, I asked a bunch of strangers if you kindly made me enter. In
Sicilian accent.
think this over here?
Ha-ha.
No sir.
Because, as is well known, misfortunes never come alone.
Or rather, It Never Rains, But It Pours .
(Which in my case, was even more appropriate).
Well, the fact is that, moved with compassion, one of the bold young has offered to help me move the camera at the back of the house, where they would bother, and where I could leave it until the next morning, when I could quietly back to change the tire.
I must say that was a nice gesture, for his part, especially after I had interrupted his holiday brandishing a rifle.
while he was leaving, I called my friends on her cell phone, and they have assured me they would send someone to pick me up.
At that moment, the phone has issued an agonizing sound - a sort of prolonged whistle and suffering - and he died.
"Shit", I thought.
"Of course you will not be a good evening, eh?" Said my poor rescuer, looking for - to tell the truth - do not laugh, not to give me the coup de grace.
But his shoulders shook somewhat suspect.
I took the car on the side of the house in which it has not hampered the others (those of the guests true, for instance) - that is, unfortunately, the one immersed in water up to the door - and the ' I left her there.
I got out, putting both feet in ten inches of puddle melmosissima and cold, and at that moment, mind you, in that precise moment, my bag has decided to sell.
was new, of course. But splitting along one entire side, dropping the phone in water, the portfolios, the pacchianissima fur scarf (which I had removed and placed in the bag I had to give me a minimum of dignity), a packet of biscuits and a driver's license. The parking
friend has done it, and I can not really blame him.
If a stranger dressed as a decorated Brazilian shows at home soaking wet, claiming that know what the hell you doing there, it's fun.
If your machine has drilled right at that moment, and she is confident of being invited to the party that you're giving your home is more fun.
If the chick in question does not know where the hell it is, nor, for that matter, where should be, and her cell phone decides to commit suicide that night, is even more fun.
But if, after all this, it tears her bag with zipper noise that gave, catapulting its entire contents into a puddle of water, Christ, you can not stay serious.
fact.
The poor boy, who had already held too much (I must say, with a great touch), it was bent double with laughter, between sobs apologized, and I could swear he had tears in his eyes.
Also in his honor, however, I must say that it is reassembled in a hurry, and also entered the house to take a plastic bag, where I gather my belongings wet.
Distracted by such event, we did not get heard the father of the celebrated - the real one - who came to pick up.
The poor man, not seeing me, he turned the car and went to look the other way, figuring that I'd given wrong directions. With the mobile phone that worked
in fits and starts, by submitting a word yes and ten no, I was able to Herculean efforts to make it clear to my friend that yes, the place was just that achieved by the father-savior, only that I, when he had arrived on his white steed I found myself on the back of the house, kneeling in a puddle, pledged to wring the license. And the good man I had seen, had done in reverse, and goodnight to the bucket.
So, long story short: he went back, helped me change the flat tire (read: has changed him and I needlessly jumping back and forth, wondering if I could do something to help him) and then I followed drive right up to the party where, humiliated, dirty and wet like a chick (even 'like an otter "), I told him what had happened between the amusement of those present.
But, sorry.
What are the chances that, ending up in a goddamn, normal hole, a rubber holes?
What are the chances that, in addition, holes, just at night and under a deluge of rain ?
And then, how many damn chance that a tire holes - And that's fine - under a deluge of rain - and that's fine too - but just front of a house in which it plays a damn party ... But is neither the house nor the party right?
Well, damn, how many fucking chance that, within a mile - because this was the distance between the two houses - there are, on the same night , * two *, and say two parties based crescentine held by teens?
Eh? How many?
And finally, how many possibilities there are that after all this, my phone decides to end it, my bag face harakiri over a puddle, and the father of a friend, came to my rescue, comes just as China is to collect objects from my poor mud and I do not see?
And, by God, that all this can happen just when the last one dressed like hookers, and I am holding a gun damn ?!
should give me an award, really. They are a shining example for nerds around the world. But I welcomed
the evening of those guys. They will have something fun to tell their friends.